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By Jess Moleman

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Good question,” Robbert said. ” “Try,” the other ordered. The tourist had finished his photo or had given up and scampered away. They had the boulevard to themselves. All that was left were some people trying to sell lighters and candy. “Sometimes I feel like Johnny Depp,” he said. “Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing Las Vegas, this scene where he tries to hit these imaginary flies in the car. It’s better not to be to close to me when I feel like that. My body produces its own cocaine. In these moments I feel strong and proud and my mind doesn’t work a hundred percent okay.

I felt sorry and guilty and anxious and I couldn’t control my limbs the way I was used to. If she was dreaming about a better life, I would not wake her up to ruin this little moment of happiness. I tucked the girl in so she wouldn’t get cold and went down to get fresh fruits and orange juice and yoghurt. A cigarette made me throw up. Then I prepared her a good breakfast. Maybe I tried to make up for all the things I had done the day before (or in my life, maybe) by being good to this one innocent girl.

Then we were quiet for a while. I said, —Maybe that is your double. You live two lives at the same time. I used the English word as reference to her other name. Sofia smiled. —I better go and take a shower, she said. And she kissed me and went over to her bathroom. I got up from her bed and turned on the TV. Next to it were some of her DVDs. For a second I doubted but then I picked the one on top and put it in the player. I knew I would never Google her or rent a video starring Debby Double. The first minutes were okay, maybe even beautiful.

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